I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about faith and religion in 2020. Partly because of people asking why God would put the globe through all of this, partly because people in the political party that purports to be grounded in “Christian values” show they never really read the Bible, and partly because I found an excellent podcast on the Bible.
Growing up Catholic, I went through the sacraments and was even an altar server frequently. I even led retreats for the campus ministry at my Catholic high school. But I’ve felt a disconnect with the Church as I have grown up, especially when seeing the lengths the Church has gone to cover up truly heinous things. I drifted away, and still haven’t really returned to the Church.
But I also never truly left faith, either. I’ve just been more willing to accept other ideas than Catholicism would want you to believe. I had a wonderful teacher in college expand my worldview to some ideas of religion that are more aligned with how I view daily life. That class is why I’ve always had The Tao of Pooh with me for years, and I’d highly recommend it to anyone.
Despite that, it’s been hard to feel that faith in recent years when looking broadly. Seeing people - the same people who supposedly use religion as their guiding light for life - actively ignore the fundamental teachings of the Bible was tough to justify. There’s absolutely no ambiguity to The Golden Rule, y’all.
Moving to Phoenix has had me alone with my thoughts a lot, and I’ve taken to reading quite a bit on religion. One writer who I admire, Jason Kirk, chronicled his own faith journey recently and had a few lines in his newsletter that floored me, but none more than this one:
“I spent the first half of my life trying to grasp someone else’s idea of God. Then I stopped. Now I’ve gone back to find hints of my own.”
I realized that I had been looking at faith all wrong. Faith is about discovery, about seeking, about the journey, about adventure, about taking risks, about yourself. I’ve admittedly been judgmental about other people’s faiths, and I can still think they are wrong in how the apply things.
But my faith, and my belief, starts with me. The places where I see that faith may not be aligned with any specific religious denomination or organization. And more importantly, the people who I can see and feel that faith through are where my belief has always been strongest.
I still have two religious symbols that I bring with me wherever I go. The metal Jerusalem cross is from those same retreats I led in high school, an experience that I still cherish that I was fortunate to do with some amazing people.
Then there’s the rosary, which I received from someone during my Confirmation process. The person responsible gave everyone a rosary at this time, but saved me for last. She had known my family and I for a long time, which of course means she knew what the colors orange and black meant, so she made my rosary in those colors specifically.
That rosary is my sign of faith and belief. In others. In the good of the world. In God.
I’ll keep looking for more of those. I’d love for y’all to come searching with me, too.
It’ll be an adventure.